In 2019 and 2020, things got pretty weird. I remember remarking that after Trump, then Covid, an asteroid hitting earth was likely next. Then an alien visit. Then my kids doing what they were effing well told. While that brilliant soothsaying never really eventuated, what followed was just as unpredictable for retailers. Culture wars affecting what people stocked and how they spoke, Black Friday that turned into four to six weeks of torture, especially for small businesses and a professional ret
retail crime epidemic. Yay.
It’s a concerning state of affairs, but I’m having another crack at some predictions that turn the corner towards something more positive and sunny. Because we’ll be turning that corner pretty soon, right?… Right?
2026 will be a period of both killing pain points and inventing fancy glow-ups no one asked for, but will definitely need. Mood lifters for both retailers and customers, if you will.
Supermarket self-checkout screens will use filters on your face in the pull-out video window, so when you catch yourself unawares, you don’t look like a half-eaten pastie.
Businesses that use a ‘z’ at the end of their name rather than an ‘s’ will be outlawed. We’re all getting too old for that shit. Kebab Karavanz across the nation to be up in arms.
To combat surging retail crime stats, small but powerful magnets will be padlocked onto customers (deactivated upon checkout). If someone tries to steal, they get sucked into the magnet pads on the front of the store. Non-offenders are rewarded too, as passersby are encouraged to point, hurl insults, throw things, etc, at the immobilised offender ‘til the cops turn up. Fun!
Retailers will form a Black Friday Union and collectively bargain to raise their Black Friday prices by 5 per cent. Those who don’t will be denied magnet padlocks.
With 72 per cent of SMEs in 2025 using or trialling AI in their ads and likely larger retailers as well, a big, dangerous Return on Ad Spend (ROAS) bubble will develop. Once the money saved by using AI ads tips below the money lost due to ads no longer working, this bubble pops spectacularly. Cue a widespread backlash with chin-stroking thought leaders bravely calling for real people and ideas in ads again.
Department stores will increase their relevance by installing dedicated ‘Zones of Influence’ where TikTokers and Instagrammers can come and film with the store’s products. I’m talking physical spaces, like a mini studio.
Jeff Bezos wins Mr Universe.
Layered ’cause-and-effect’ brand partnerships will be a thing, with retailers doing supplier-funded deals. Think Coles/Frank’s Red Hot Sauce and Chemist Warehouse/Imodium.
The ‘go woke, go broke’ crew will be joined by the ‘don’t go woke, go broke’ movement, so retailers, not wanting to offend either side, will adopt no social stance whatsoever. This will cause them to be boycotted by both sides for not picking their side.
A new AI-powered fashion app will take off that sources a garment, buys it, delivers it, tells you honestly how it looks on you, returns it when you crack the shits, procures a refund and writes a negative review at the push of a button. Customers won’t have to do a thing, making it easier than ever to feel a little empty and disappointed.
Empty shops are turned into hydroponic market gardens run by the store owners forced to shut said shops, turning them into pioneers of the Great Fresh Food Revolution of 2029.
While these clearly won’t happen (Bezos, maybe), some of them should. Some definitely shouldn’t. But whatever happens, there will be a lot in 2026 that we never saw coming. Only thing for certain is that my children still won’t do what they’re told.
Enjoy your break and good luck out there in ‘26.
Dom Megna is the executive creative director at integrated advertising agency Spinach.
Further reading: Two unexpected brand partnerships – one big takeaway
